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God grant me serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change
the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
As
smokers trying to stop smoking, we cannot change the craving for
cigarettes, but even if we can't change the craving, we can accept
it. The truth is that until we can accept our craving for cigarettes,
we will not stop smoking. Lighting another cigarette is what we
do if we decide we cannot accept the craving!
It's
that simple: If you want a cigarette and you will not accept the
craving, then you will surely light a cigarette. Or maybe you will
have "one puff" to get you through, but even one puff
is "not accepting" the things that you cannot change.
Accepting
the craving does not mean we want the craving or like it. Accepting
it means, first, recognizing the craving for what it is: a strong
desire, physical or psychological, not a need, for a cigarette.
That's all. We do not fight this craving- rather we look at it,
letting it be, not getting panic stricken or feeling sorry for ourselves,
but saying, "Yes, I really am craving a cigarette right now."
We
do not practice self-deception and try to trick ourselves into thinking
we don't want to smoke. This Is an honest program. Nor do we try
to hate the habit (or ourselves) so much that we quit. No, we cannot
make ourselves stop smoking, but we can live with the craving, and
so we pray for...
The
courage to change the things I can...
The
thing that we can change is our unwillingness to live, even for
a short time, with the craving for the next cigarette. We can, with
God's help and the support of the group, change our old way of
dealing with craving, and we deal with it in a
new way: We become willing to live with the craving; we no longer
light a cigarette to get rid of the pain of craving. Our lighting
up shows that we have not accepted what we cannot change and have
not acted with the courage to change the things we can. Of course,
living with a craving is hard, sometimes very hard, but you are
not alone - with God's help you can do it. That is what this Serenity
Prayer is all about.
So
we ask God to help us accept the craving, and then we ask God to
give us the courage not to take care of this craving - as we have
always done - by smoking one more cigarette. Thus, we need the strength
to accept the craving, and the courage not to light up ...
And
the wisdom to know the difference...
The
wisdom we ask for here is to become aware of the difference between
our old way of handling the discomfort of craving in the past (by
compulsively lighting up) and the now way of dealing with cravings:
accepting the craving until it passes, uncomfortable though we may
be for a few moments.
The
strength and courage to live as ex-smokers with this discomfort
does come if we ask for it, even though it may take time. What we
receive is not raw will power, but Power that comes from God, from
the group, and from our innermost self The power that we want is
actually love! It is only with this kind of power that we can become
ex-smokers and receive a new life free from nicotine addiction.
The
reason we did not become ex-smokers years ago is that we chose not
to live with the craving. Every time we craved a cigarette, we gave
in and smoked it. And kept on hoping that in some magic way a day
would arrive when the craving would disappear or we would find an
absolutely painless way to stop smoking. That day never came. Each
of us kept using our favorite rationalizations or excuses for lighting
up, our own justification for not living with the craving. And we
kept on craving and smoking, craving and smoking, year after year.
But now we can change all that: The moment we can accept what is
- "I want to smoke" - and face it with the courage God
gives us, we can say, "I choose not to handle this craving
by smoking a cigarette" then we become ex-smokers!
If
you continue to smoke even though you say this prayer, then say
it again, and again, and keep on saying it while you reflect what it means to you, a smoker. Eventually
it will work. It will not work if you
are not sincere, but if all you can do at first is to say the prayer
without believing it, then at least do that! Some time may be needed
for you to receive the power to live with the discomfort that comes
from craving without lighting up, but eventually it will come. In
time, the craving will diminish greatly, and someday, we trust,
it will disappear altogether. If you have a slip, however, and you
light one up, accept yourself reverently and say the prayer again
the next time!
Remember,
it really is not the stress, frustration or even the craving that
causes us to have another cigarette, but rather our lack of strength
to deal with the craving. That strength comes from God, from the
group, and from your own healthy inner self! May God be with you
now! - J. S
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